OOM: Room #100 - drinking aftermath (part 2)

[ikissdhimbck]

[following this:]


It's a long and restless night, both for the outlaw, and for the Russian astronaut.

Once or twice, Kate jarred Esfir from slumber by waking with a start and lunging for that trash can. Who knew a body that tiny could survive being sick so many times in one night?

Esfir finally decided to forsake her spot in the armchair after the last time Kate was sick, settling next to her in bed.

"Momma?" Kate had murmured, half asleep and disoriented.







"Go back to sleep, Katyushka."

It wasn't long after that when dawn broke.

.

Comments

[ikissdhimbck]

"All of it."

[scurlock]

"Well I...obviously I been gone longer out my door than it's been in here," he says. "It's been just 'bout ten years - little longer, really."

[ikissdhimbck]

Ten years.

She remembers.

She stays quiet, eyes on her feet as he speaks and works that comb through her hair.

Maybe he was able to move on, like she hoped. She never wanted him to get caught up in the whirlwind again -- especially not with her. She is cursed, after all. Maybe he got his ranch in Colorado, or New Mexico. Maybe he even settled down with a new bride, had more sons...

...Somehow, though she doesn't remember the details of what they spoke about last night, she doubts it.

And that makes the loss of time all the more hard to bear.

[scurlock]

"I spent a lot of time travelin'. Lookin' for doors where I could, but just never had any luck. I finally found one...I got a little place up in the woods, and I guess s'what I needed."

He looks over the gold strands between his fingers.

"I ain't been to prison, only been arrested a couple'a times...make my money playin' cards."

Cheating at cards.

(Same thing.)

"S'been a long ten years but I'm glad t'have got back."

[ikissdhimbck]

"Cards?"

She turns her head slightly, surprised by the admission.

[scurlock]

"I tried my hand at robbin' banks," he admits. "But I never...I was never comfortable with it. Too many ways a job can go wrong without someone keepin' an eye on your back. I didn't want t'end up dead 'fore I got back here."




To you.

"I always been good at Faro," he admits. "I just...got real good, with the practice."

[ikissdhimbck]

She's silent, mouth slightly ajar. She turns her head until she's facing forward again, eyes fixed at her feet.

He didn't make it out.

She's not sure if this knowledge makes her more angry, or disheartened, or remorseful, or something else altogether. She had wanted so badly for him to...


No, but the thought of him in some gambling house is much too comfortable. The image of him with a gun on his hips; the idea of him robbing folk of their assets; taking asylum in whorehouses, and dirty hotels.

He's an outlaw.

She cusses under her breath.

[scurlock]

He's momentarily thrown.

"I know what you're thinkin' and I ain't--"

And then she swears.



"I didn't catch y'did I?"

[ikissdhimbck]

"No."

[scurlock]

"Kate, I ain't..."

He has no idea what she's angry about, so he tries to guess.

"There ain't nobody out there I'm with."

[ikissdhimbck]

She presses her fingers against her eyes as her head rages on behind them, the throb intensified by her escalating heart rate.

"You're so stupid!"

That's not anger in her voice; that's the beginning of tears.

(But she isn't going to cry. No, not yet.)

[scurlock]

Doc sets the brush aside, and then lightly places a hand on her shoulder.

"Why m'I stupid, darlin'."

It's not really a question - more the offer to listen to what she has to say, and her opinion on the subject.

[ikissdhimbck]

"The hell've you been doin' with yourself?" she cries, sucking in a sharp breath when her head rings with pain.

Quieter:

"Y'had ten years of second chances, an' you ain't changed a bit? Was it all fer nothin'? Everythin' I did? Y'just... what's th'matter with you?"

She covers her flushed face with her hands, frustrated to the point of exhaustion. She curses again.

"This wasn't what I wanted t'happen!"

[scurlock]

"I...I was never lookin' for a second chance, Kate. 'Cept for with you."

And since she wasn't around, he waited for her. He never considered any other idea or option.

[ikissdhimbck]

"Ah, damnit."

He just doesn't get it. She's not going to get any second chances; any future with her in it is bleak at best.

She curls her hands into fists.

[scurlock]

He sighs silently, then moves his other hand to her other shoulder - avoiding her neck.

"Kate, I...I done a lot of thinkin' the last long while. I've realized a lot of things 'bout where I think we went wrong, mistakes we made. It ain't...I don't want you blamin' yourself for feelin' bad."

[ikissdhimbck]

She still goes tense, pulling away from his touch.

"Don't--"

The word comes out sharply, so she pauses to let her voice soften.

"--touch me."

[scurlock]

His fingertips twitch against her shoulders - a flinch, really - and he pulls his hands away, settling them on his thighs.

It hurts.

He won't say it (he doesn't have to) but it hurts, stings deep into a place in his heart that only she can reach - good or bad - and he can't help but feel it.

"My hands ain't burnt," he murmurs, as he resists the urge to lean his forehead against the back of her shoulder. He's wanted to hold her again for ten years and he can't even touch her.

[ikissdhimbck]

She crawls out of bed and begins to pace the room. She keeps one hand to her forehead -- face still flushed -- and the other at her side in case she stumbles.

"We didn't go wrong, Doc," she hisses. "I ended us. I ended it."

[scurlock]

"How do you figure?"

He watches her pace - silently wishing she would just sit down, if she won't sit next to him, even in a chair - and tries to read her body language.

[ikissdhimbck]

"I chose Sam!"

The outburst comes off a little harsher than she intended. For a long time she lets it hang between them, awkwardly trying to find better words to explain.

[scurlock]

He looks at her, thinking over those harsh words.

After some time of silence, he speaks.

"Kate, just because y'chose t'love Sam instead of me don't mean that I'm suddenly gonna turn tail and run," he says. "I know you might want me to, but that ain't...some dealbreaker or nothin'."

[ikissdhimbck]

"I don't want you lovin' me."

She'd rather be alone than dishonor Sam, or put him through the same...

She won't even let herself think about it.

"I wanted you t'find someone else. Out there. Always thought y'should. I ain't right."

[scurlock]

"I...I understand that. But it's not somethin' that I can just turn off, or forget."

He shakes his head.

"And findin' someone else...that would've felt wrong, to me."

[ikissdhimbck]

She barks a short, cynical laugh.

"But not hard."











She closes her eyes.