OOM: Room #100 - drinking aftermath (part 2)

[ikissdhimbck]

[following this:]


It's a long and restless night, both for the outlaw, and for the Russian astronaut.

Once or twice, Kate jarred Esfir from slumber by waking with a start and lunging for that trash can. Who knew a body that tiny could survive being sick so many times in one night?

Esfir finally decided to forsake her spot in the armchair after the last time Kate was sick, settling next to her in bed.

"Momma?" Kate had murmured, half asleep and disoriented.







"Go back to sleep, Katyushka."

It wasn't long after that when dawn broke.

.

Comments

[scurlock]

"Kate, I ain't..."

He has no idea what she's angry about, so he tries to guess.

"There ain't nobody out there I'm with."

[ikissdhimbck]

She presses her fingers against her eyes as her head rages on behind them, the throb intensified by her escalating heart rate.

"You're so stupid!"

That's not anger in her voice; that's the beginning of tears.

(But she isn't going to cry. No, not yet.)

[scurlock]

Doc sets the brush aside, and then lightly places a hand on her shoulder.

"Why m'I stupid, darlin'."

It's not really a question - more the offer to listen to what she has to say, and her opinion on the subject.

[ikissdhimbck]

"The hell've you been doin' with yourself?" she cries, sucking in a sharp breath when her head rings with pain.

Quieter:

"Y'had ten years of second chances, an' you ain't changed a bit? Was it all fer nothin'? Everythin' I did? Y'just... what's th'matter with you?"

She covers her flushed face with her hands, frustrated to the point of exhaustion. She curses again.

"This wasn't what I wanted t'happen!"

[scurlock]

"I...I was never lookin' for a second chance, Kate. 'Cept for with you."

And since she wasn't around, he waited for her. He never considered any other idea or option.

[ikissdhimbck]

"Ah, damnit."

He just doesn't get it. She's not going to get any second chances; any future with her in it is bleak at best.

She curls her hands into fists.

[scurlock]

He sighs silently, then moves his other hand to her other shoulder - avoiding her neck.

"Kate, I...I done a lot of thinkin' the last long while. I've realized a lot of things 'bout where I think we went wrong, mistakes we made. It ain't...I don't want you blamin' yourself for feelin' bad."

[ikissdhimbck]

She still goes tense, pulling away from his touch.

"Don't--"

The word comes out sharply, so she pauses to let her voice soften.

"--touch me."

[scurlock]

His fingertips twitch against her shoulders - a flinch, really - and he pulls his hands away, settling them on his thighs.

It hurts.

He won't say it (he doesn't have to) but it hurts, stings deep into a place in his heart that only she can reach - good or bad - and he can't help but feel it.

"My hands ain't burnt," he murmurs, as he resists the urge to lean his forehead against the back of her shoulder. He's wanted to hold her again for ten years and he can't even touch her.

[ikissdhimbck]

She crawls out of bed and begins to pace the room. She keeps one hand to her forehead -- face still flushed -- and the other at her side in case she stumbles.

"We didn't go wrong, Doc," she hisses. "I ended us. I ended it."

[scurlock]

"How do you figure?"

He watches her pace - silently wishing she would just sit down, if she won't sit next to him, even in a chair - and tries to read her body language.

[ikissdhimbck]

"I chose Sam!"

The outburst comes off a little harsher than she intended. For a long time she lets it hang between them, awkwardly trying to find better words to explain.

[scurlock]

He looks at her, thinking over those harsh words.

After some time of silence, he speaks.

"Kate, just because y'chose t'love Sam instead of me don't mean that I'm suddenly gonna turn tail and run," he says. "I know you might want me to, but that ain't...some dealbreaker or nothin'."

[ikissdhimbck]

"I don't want you lovin' me."

She'd rather be alone than dishonor Sam, or put him through the same...

She won't even let herself think about it.

"I wanted you t'find someone else. Out there. Always thought y'should. I ain't right."

[scurlock]

"I...I understand that. But it's not somethin' that I can just turn off, or forget."

He shakes his head.

"And findin' someone else...that would've felt wrong, to me."

[ikissdhimbck]

She barks a short, cynical laugh.

"But not hard."











She closes her eyes.

[scurlock]

"I don't think I follow."

[ikissdhimbck]

"Nothin'."

She shakes her head once, bracing herself against the chest of drawers when the sharp action makes her head swim again.

It was more than she intended to say, on an issue too near her heart, egged on by her hangover. He hasn't made her feel particularly special, or loved, despite his floundering efforts. Her insecurity makes her suspicious to his true intent.

(He left his wife; why not her, next?)

[scurlock]

He narrows his eyes when she has to balance herself on the furniture, shifting on the bed.

"Obviously it ain't nothin'," he says. "But why don't you come back'n lie down a bit more?"

[ikissdhimbck]

She continues around the side of the dresser, placing a hand on the draperies around one window.

"M'fine."

[scurlock]

"You don't look it," he replies, not giving up the fight quite so easily.

He pauses.

"But if y'say you're fine then I'm gonna trust your judgement, since it is your hangover and not mine. I just think you'd feel better if y'came and laid down again."

[ikissdhimbck]

She's stubborn, and he's always backed down before. So what if she's being petulant? Right now, it's more about winning the 'fight.'

She always does.

"Jus' can't wait t'git me back in bed, hm?" she mutters under her breath, putting most of her weight against the piece of furniture.

[scurlock]

Doc only catches a few words of her mutterings - but it's more than enough to sting.

He rises off the bed, and moves towards her.

"I have spent the last ten years without bein' with a woman," he says, voice on an even keel as he approaches. "And I won't deny that I find y'incredibly attractive, or deny that I want you. But right now, you need to go lie down 'fore you fall over, Kate."

He fixes her with a look that speaks volumes. Yes, he wants her. Yes, he finds her gorgeous. Yes, he's spent years dreaming about being with her in bed.

But right now? He's concerned about her welfare.

[ikissdhimbck]

For some reason, being under the force of his gaze affects her so much more than it does coming from anyone else.

(But it has nothing to do with love, of course.)

She shrinks away timidly, clutching her arms around her middle more snugly. Nodding almost imperceptibly, she steps around him and moves for the bed.

And doesn't say another word.

[scurlock]

He doesn't like having to be so stern with her at times like this, but he has to.

(And of course it has nothing to do with love.)

"Thank you."

He turns down a corner of the sheets for her (on 'her' side) and then moves back to the other.

"If havin' me sittin' there makes it hard for you to sleep, I got no problem with movin' to the chair."