OOM: Room #25 (WARNING: Contains triggery content)

[ikissdhimbck]

[following this:]


After Guppy takes Alex home, Kate eventually does make it to the fire to warm up. Of course, by this point her body is already warm; it's her heart that feels chilled. She dispenses with the tea, and just takes the whiskey for a second and third drink.

It's late by the time she's able to muddle through her thoughts well enough to drag herself upstairs. All she wants to do is collapse into her bed and sleep, but once she reaches the landing--


Doc.


He'll be expecting her.

She stands there for a moment, gathering her wits about her.

I don't want him to see me like this.

She swallows hard, steeling herself for what she knows she has to do next. She can't just bypass his room without a word; not when they've been spending so many nights together. Not when he'll be expecting her. Not when they've just had the intimacy 'conversation.' She'll pull herself together long enough to tell him she needs a quiet night to sleep. Everything's fine, she just misses her own bed. She'll be right as rain come tomorrow.

When she stops outside his door, she doesn't take out her key and walk in. For some reason, tonight she knocks.

.

Comments

[scurlock]

He's bent over a ledger, pen in hand (and ink-stained fingertips) as he works on the calculations for the feed and supply 'orders', trying to figure out how much to get for the next round from bar.

He doesn't even hear her knock -- the first time -- and on the second time, he glances over at the door and then stands from the desk.

"Who is it?"

He's already unlocking the door before there's even an answer.

[ikissdhimbck]

"S'me."

She braces herself against the jamb with one hand. She isn't drunk, or even really tipsy; she just craves the support of something solid, that won't crash down or collapse beneath her.

[scurlock]

Doc looks down at her, puzzled.

"Y'forget your key?"

[ikissdhimbck]

She pauses.

"No. No, you're right, I should'a..."

She shakes her head at herself, rubbing at her brow with the thumb of her free hand.

"M'sorry. I just... jus' wanted t'let you know I was headin' upstairs for the night."

[scurlock]

He nudges the door open fully, stepping back on instinct to let her in.


He's standing against the porch railing, watching Samuel debate with himself about exactly how he wants to word this...




"Upstairs?"

[ikissdhimbck]

She nods.

"Yeah, m'real tuckered t'night. An' seein' as you're doin' so much better now, I thought maybe I'd just take a night in my own bed."

[scurlock]

"But..."

The wheels are turning, gears grinding in his head, pieces falling into place (or so he thinks, so it seems) as he tries to make sense of her words.



"...you don't want t'stay?"

[ikissdhimbck]

She isn't going to acknowledge the sting in the backs of her eyes when he asks her that.

Her focus never climbs higher than his waist. Right now it's trained on the toes of her boots.




"It's just for t'night."

She thinks.

[scurlock]

"Is somethin'..."

Doc steps forward, reaching his hand out.

"Kate, darlin'...what's the matter?"

[ikissdhimbck]

"Nothin'," she laughs.

But she takes a step back when he steps forward.

Her eyes meet his briefly before she looks away again, shaking her head.

"I jus' thought... it'd be nice. For a change. Just... jus' the quiet."

[scurlock]

"Why d'you need a change?"

I can be quiet...I'm already quiet.

"I don't..."



Understand.

(Her eyes are a bloodshot red, her expression blank and tired. It scares him.)

[ikissdhimbck]

She glances up and down the hall, as if she's worried they're making a scene.

"I didn't... didn't think it was such a big thing."

That's a lie and you know it.

"Given we ain't married or anythin'."

[scurlock]

"It's just...a bit concernin', t'be quite honest. I don't like the idea of you stayin' alone."

He hooks his thumb into the belt loop on his trousers, leaning lightly against the doorjamb opposite her. His other hand settles on the back of his neck.

"There's been some awful strange happenin's lately."

Around the bar, too.

[ikissdhimbck]

"I'll be fine," she murmurs.

[scurlock]

"I don't doubt that."

He looks to the ground.




"I just don't understand why it's gotta be a change, s'all. You been changin' quite a bit the last few weeks...and s'worryin' me. If...if m'doin' something wrong, you'd say, right?"

[ikissdhimbck]

"What does that mean?"

She wraps her arms around her middle defensively, brow furrowed in question.

"Nothin's changed, I just... I just want to be alone tonight!"

[scurlock]

"Nothin's changed?"

He lifts his head to look at her face.

"We ain't done more'n kiss each other in weeks. You won't even sleep close t'me in bed no more, I wake up lookin' at your back or wonderin' jus' how early y'must'a risen t'beat me out of bed -- I know the horses ain't in need'a that much attention -- and y'can barely stand t'look at me right now--"

[ikissdhimbck]

"Stop!"

There's a crack in her resolve, thin line between her brows as her face threatens to crumble. But she holds it together.

(Barely.)

"You said it didn't matter!"

[scurlock]

"It ain't like that."

His chin lifts slightly as he swallows down the boulder-sized lump in his throat, dropping his voice.

"I still love you regardless, but with how strange you've been actin' lately towards me, I can't...I'm wonderin' if I ain't givin' you what you need."

[ikissdhimbck]

Her fingers curl into the fabric of her blouse at her elbows, her knuckles alabaster. She doesn't speak for a long time, as all her focus is on one looping thought.

Don't you cry. Don't you cry. Don't you cry. Don't you cry. Don't you cry. Don't you cry.

"No..."

She swallows hard, but can't get her words past the lump in her throat.

[scurlock]

Footsteps sound on the floor of the hall as someone rounds the corner, heading their direction. On instinct, Doc steps backward and reaches for Kate's hand, to pull her inside.

They can continue this conversation in the privacy -- and safety -- of his room.

[ikissdhimbck]

She stumbles across the threshold, not seeing or expecting Doc's hand when he pulls her inside. She can do little else but blindly fall in line, pacing beyond his body to the middle of the room.

[scurlock]

As she passes (stumbles) him and enters the room, he can smell the whiskey on her breath with her sharp exhale.

His eyes focus on the lock, as he turns it.

"Rough night?"

[ikissdhimbck]

Another long pause.





"No."

[scurlock]

"Figured y'might be wantin' t'clear your head, s'all. Maybe that's why y'want t'head upstairs."

The kittens, glad to see their 'mama', uncurl from their pile of blankets on the couch, lazily stretching before slinking their way over to wind around her ankles.