OOM sorta: Bill's room

[ikissdhimbck]

[following this:]

He doesn't say a word as he escorts her out of the stables and up the path to the bar. She doesn't blame him, and so she remains respectfully quiet, letting him decide when he's ready to ask the questions she knows are coming. It gives her time to process everything, anyway. Time to catch her breath.

However, when they enter the bar and he leads her towards the stairs rather than to the staff offices, she looks at him quizzically.

"Where we goin'?"

.

Comments

[wheelsy_sheriff]

His eyes close and his head bows, but he's still listening to everything she's saying.

What she's asking him to, he can't imagine. Not the way she's describing it. There's no way he could come close to feeling the way she must, and he knows it.

He's lost Kate countless times in nightmares; at the gas station, to the events in L.A., even in the Old Kingdom and to Grant and the slugs, but it's only dreams and he knows it doesn't compare to her experiences.

He has faced men like she's describing. Eric Lawson was one, and so was the Doctor. He knows what they're capable of, he's suffered because of them, and yet when he faced one, Lawson, the man who turned Bill's life upside down with a pair of bullets, Bill turned his back on him. A million consequences would have followed, but the truth is, Bill had the opportunity to take the kind of justice Kate is describing, and he let it go.

He's not sure which of them is stronger for their decision.

His thoughts go over everything, all the details of their lives; the similarities and differences, the choices, the things they both have done, and there's no final answer for any of it.

"Kate-- "

His voice is quiet after the long spell of silence, and his eyes reopen and focus on her.

"I can't-- What you're doin', I can't say it's the right thing."

A beat, and it's clear he's reluctant to go on.

"I can't say it's the wrong thing, neither. Nothin' that's happened to you is right, an' it ain't deserved, but it scares the hell outta me knowin' this is what you're out there doin'."

[ikissdhimbck]

She lowers her head, sighing quietly. She runs a hand through her hair slowly, and then gestures in something reminiscent of a shrug.

"I'm by myself, Bill. I gotta protect myself."

Seriously:

"I didn't go lookin' for a fight with Ramon. He brought one to me. I was lucky you wandered by, but if y'hadn't, it would have been up t'me to protect myself. It's what I gotta do."

[wheelsy_sheriff]

"I drew first."

"Yeah."

His eyes go down to the gun on her hip, then back to her.

"I gotta go check on him. Y'outta stay here, I'll be back in a little while."

[ikissdhimbck]

She notices the way his eyes stray, and unlike the appreciative looks of most men, she knows exactly what he's looking at.

Her gaze falls short of his face, somewhere around his throat, and she nods.

"I don't... I mean t'say, I can go t'my room if you'd prefer."

[wheelsy_sheriff]

He shakes his head, then turns away from her, looking at the desk.

"It's your choice, Kate. All I ask is that y'stay away from him."

A part of him doubts that she will.

[ikissdhimbck]

She tries not to feel hurt when he turns away from her.

She stands in silence for a long moment more, chewing her bottom lip.

"I'm sorry, Bill," she murmurs at last.

I know you're disappointed.


Feeling that she has outstayed her welcome, she quietly turns toward the door to leave.

[wheelsy_sheriff]

He shakes his head to the apology, not sure which part she's apologizing for.

What happened with Ramon, what they've been talking about, the situation between them or something else entirely.

Whatever it's for, an apology isn't want he wants. In truth, he doesn't know what he wants, but it seems whatever it is, isn't something he can have.

She's quiet, but he can still picture her at the door, ready to open it and leave.

"Kate-- "

He doesn't know what to say. He's run out of things to tell her, arguments to make, and it feels like they're two walls talking at each other.

He can see where she's coming from, but can't fully understand it. She seems to know what he's saying, but can't alter what she's already chosen to do.



"Y'don't gotta apologize. There's just some things... ain't no one can change."

[ikissdhimbck]

She pauses with her hand on the doorknob.







"Y'asked me what's the point," she mutters quietly, keeping her eyes on the door. "Why it's worth throwin' my life away.

"Bill, my life is already gone. I ain't got nothin' else t'throw 'way. This is all I have. An' it ain't much ... but I don't got a family t'go back to, or a home t'keep, I ain't got no money or possessions, no land and no name.

"If I die out there, ain't no one will miss me.

"But, before I go, they're sure as hell gonna remember me."

And with that, she turns the knob, and leaves the room.

[wheelsy_sheriff]

"Y'got your friends!"

He turns around but she's already out the door. He takes a half step after her then stops, realizing that she's gone.

Guilt and frustration grind in his belly and he's stuck wrestling with it all.

Finally he turns back to the desk, hesitating before picking up the rifle.

He needs to check on Ramon.




When he gets there, the stables are empty.