OOM: Room #100 -- for Tommy Gavin Pt. 2

[ikissdhimbck]

[a little after this...]


She looks for reasons to stay in the stables as late as possible, but eventually she can dally no longer. They're practically sparkling, and all the animals are in for the night. Beaut's cooled down after her ride around the lake, and is cocking her ear at Kate like she knows something the woman doesn't.

All right, you nag.

True to his word, Tommy's waiting for her when she gets back to her room. They share a meal, quietly conversing about New York, and 'anniversary' plans; she reminds him it's getting close to her anniversary here, and how she's been thinking about leaving awhile. They seem a little shy to set the other off, and so discussions stay light and open. It's late by the time they're through.

He invites her to come to bed, and she sends him ahead, saying she'd like to stay up and read for a spell. He doesn't fight her on it, perhaps because he knows she's uncomfortable about something. She typically sleeps well enough when Tommy's here, but he's usually worn her out before they drop off; it doesn't seem worth the gamble tonight.

She's only ten pages through her book when he starts to sigh, all the while tossing and turning. He coaxes her to join him, and with a good deal of long-suffering patience, she closes her book and does just that.

He's got her wrapped up in his arms when she finally drops off.

It feels nice.



For the first time in months, she dreams about her daddy dying: his body carried up the hill to her childhood home, breast stained red, dust curling in the air as they drop him at her feet. Trout's there, telling her she brought it on herself. Sam reaches out to her with that questioning tone, the last words he ever spoke ringing in her ears.

'...Kate?'

She's on a boat. Sam's face explodes beside her, iron rain pattering on her skin. She's screaming, but she isn't making a sound. Trout overturns Sam's boat into a sea of scorpions, writhing and snapping, some big enough you could ride. She's caught in a maelstrom of them, and the more she fights the more it feels like quicksand, the more her limbs feel heavy and dumb. She fights harder, and harder, but she's sinking.

The sky is red, and in the middle of it all a hole opens up, sucking everything up like so much refuse.

Comments

[gavin62truck]

He chews on his lower lip and is silent for what seems like a long time.




"Yeah, maybe."

It's a non-committal answer, but he knows there's truth in what she says, and he knows that she knows there's truth in it, too.

"But she doesn't want me back, 'cause every time we've tried to get back together, I end up doing something to screw everything up. So chances are, if I did manage to convince her this time around, I would just blow it anyway."

...That sounds familiar.

[ikissdhimbck]

Her lips flatten in a tight smile.

His 'ex' still has him wrapped around her little finger. And she knows Tommy well enough now to know he can't let anything go.

She closes her eyes, hunkering down a little deeper into the mattress.

"Jus' remember she was at least half'a that decision t'be with your brother. He's your family, Tommy. What they did wasn't right, but y'can't put all your hate on him."

[gavin62truck]

"Who says I have?" he mutters into the pillow, bitter and wry. He's got enough hate to go around. But again, it's complicated.

"You're right, my brother is family, which also means he should've known better than to go behind my back like that. As for Janet, she made my daughters lie to me about them being together. Colleen admitted it. I mean, c'mon, that's just low."

He heaves a sigh, feeling strangely-- unburdened. At least a little bit.

As she shifts, he tugs the covers more snugly around them and slips his arm back around her. For a moment he lays there, watching her, her eyes closed, her face and hair pale in the dimness.

[ikissdhimbck]

"Y'deserve better'n that, Tommy."

She sighs, settling into the familiarity of his embrace, one arm slipping from the covers to curl around his neck. She lazily strokes her fingers through his hair.

"But she already left y'once before, without any help from your brother."

She only knows about the one time, anyway.

"Maybe he's not the one callin' the shots here."

[gavin62truck]

He presses his lips to her forehead and keeps them there for a while, brow creased in thought.

Does he deserve better? His ego will tell him yes, of course he does, but it's not like that's working out.

"No. He's not. Sure as hell ain't me."

However many times Janet's left him, Tommy was to blame. Always him.

He pulls Kate closer, her fingers in his hair lulling him into a comfortable stillness. But his eyes stubbornly remain half-open.

[ikissdhimbck]

"Your daughters are young. An' impressionable. Jus' be careful, way you're pushin' your family, that y'ain't pushin' them away, too."

Or confusing them.

She can feel the warmth of his breath against her brow, the heavy tangle of their legs. The thread of anxiety still running taut through her is slowly but surely being weighted down with pleasant exhaustion. Taking her mind off her things helps. Tommy is, as always, an excellent distraction.

"'N I think your daddy cares more'n y'think he does."

[gavin62truck]

"I would do anything for my kids," he says a bit defensively.

Except that it was usually never enough.

But he does care about them. Probably more than they think he does.

Which is why he doesn't say anything about his own father.

He sighs into her hair, a little grumbly, but only lightly so. His touch is still affectionate, his voice still warm.

"Anyways, how did this whole conversation become about me? I wanted to talk about you."

[ikissdhimbck]

She tilts her lips against the underside of his chin, tenderly kissing that delicate spot.

"I know, sweetheart."

She's still stroking his hair, as if consoling a harried colt. She knows he loves his daughters. She knows he loves his wife, too. However, sometimes he can't see the forest through the trees.

Her eyes open, blinking slowly in the low light.

"Because y'finally stopped shuttin' me out, an' I took advantage of you."

[gavin62truck]

As much as she can get him worked up sometimes, she can just as easily soothe him. Just the sound of her honeyed voice and the soft touch of her lips and fingertips can make him forget everything else.

Her remark, though, gives him pause. But then he huffs out a short chuckle, wryly amused.

"I wasn't shutting you out, I was-- just-- blocked."

[ikissdhimbck]

"Mm. An' busy elsewhere."

Her lashes slowly feather his chin as she blinks in the dark, thinking the day over again.



"I was talkin' with a young man earlier, 'bout when my parents died. Think that might be why I dreamed 'bout it."

[gavin62truck]

He purses his lips, quietly chastised.



He can feel the whisper-soft tickle of her lashes on his skin. Her low murmur fills the hollow of his throat. And the phrase 'talking with a young man' doesn't even irk him as much as it would have in any other circumstance.

"Did he lose his parents, too?"

[ikissdhimbck]

"He did. Jus' recently, I'd wager."

He just wants them to stop falling. The words echo in her mind.

"He's only eleven."

[gavin62truck]

A stab of pain.

"Aw, jeez."

He can't help tightening his embrace. As if by proxy, hugging the boy.

(Connor, in reverse.)

"You were-- you were pretty young, too, weren't you...?"

[ikissdhimbck]

"I was when my mama passed. I was about eight."

The drag of her fingers has slowed even more, nails drawing thoughtful patterns against his scalp.

"My daddy raised me till I was off t'school in New Orleans. He died that year, shot through the heart."

[gavin62truck]

He frowns and closes his eyes. Palm pressed to her back, he strokes her between her shoulder blades with slow sweeps of his thumb.

"'S that what you saw? In your dream."

[ikissdhimbck]

"'S how it started."

Her eyes stay open now, unfixed and unblinking. She shifts the arm tucked under her side until her palm is resting flat against his breast.

"I should've been there, an' I wasn't. By the time I got home, it was too late."

[gavin62truck]

"You were at school, honey, you couldn't have known something like that was gonna happen."

It's small comfort, though, and he knows this. Because he understands all too well what it's like to be too late.

[ikissdhimbck]

"I was home for the holidays."

Her voice grows quiet once again.

"I took the buggy t'Green Lake t'see the school. There hadn't been a teacher there in years, an' they showed interest in my aspirations. I hadn't been home a few days 'fore I left him. I left him. He went out huntin', on our property, an' Bill Crocker shot 'im. Greased the sheriff, called it an accident. I was jus' miles away when Thomas rode down t'fetch me.

"I should've been there. By the time I got home they were carryin' his body up our property, limp as a ragdoll, blood everywhere."

She doesn't say anything for a spell.




"I never got t'say goodbye."

[gavin62truck]

"Jeezus Christ."

And he's silent for a long while, too. Just holding her. Heart beating against her palm, hard and steady, quickened from what she stirs inside him.

Anger. Horror. Sympathy. Sadness. A wish for things to have gone differently. For her father, for herself.

Too late.


And then it hits him much clearer now why Christmas was such an awful time for her. And how he'd made it worse.


He buries his fingers in her hair and presses a kiss between her brows.

"'M sorry."

He can't help the apology. For everything.

[ikissdhimbck]

She closes her eyes against a sudden sting, and holds her breath.



"I should've seen it. Ol' Bill Crocker always hated my daddy. There'd been threats ... I jus'–jus' wish I'd had more time."

The throb in her temples grows again. She's dried out, and her head's reminding her of it. No more tears, Katherine.

"It was the same with Sam. I was too late. If I'd jus' gotten t'him sooner, we might've made it. If I'd jus' kissed the sheriff, if I'd jus' told Trout yes ... "

She buries her head under his chin, pulling him closer.

[gavin62truck]

However close she needs him to be, he's here.

"You don't know," he murmurs into her hair.

"You don't know for sure if any of that would've made a difference, for good or for bad. You did what you could. What you thought you had to do, what you thought was right."

He might be talking to her, or to himself. A little of both.

"Christ. All those should'ves, could'ves, would'ves... Between the both of us we could fill the goddamn Grand Canyon with 'em."

[ikissdhimbck]

She shakes her head numbly.

"I jus' wish I'd had more time. They'd had more time."

I just want them to stop falling.

She squeezes her eyes shut.

She only kisses the men she kills.


She doesn't want Tommy to end up like that.

[gavin62truck]

"I know, honey."


Just a little more time. And maybe...just maybe...



For a while, they lie curled up into one another, forming a protective cocoon against both the outside world and the thoughts that haunt them. Nothing can happen to them here, in each other's arms. If they can believe that, it might get them through the night.




"You alright?"

If she wants to cry, she can. If she wants to try to fall asleep, she can. If she wants to talk some more, she can.

[ikissdhimbck]

She doesn't know what she wants right now.




"No."

(But she will be.)

[gavin62truck]

He doesn't need to say aloud that that's okay, too. His reply is just to keep holding her, eyes closed, but he's not going to drift off on her. She'll feel it in the way his arms don't slacken, his heartbeat doesn't slow, his breath keeps steady against her temple.



"Tea?"