OOM: Milliways Library, for Dixie

[ikissdhimbck]

It's not just any library. Sure, as you step in it looks fairly ordinary — books, chairs, tables, so forth — but as you browse the aisles they seem to go on without end. Volume after volume, any book you could imagine and more. A universe of information crammed within these walls.

Kate hasn't ventured here much since things came apart in Green Lake. Poe makes her sad; Byron reminds her of all the things she's lost. She'll come for a book from someone else's world, and then retire to her room to study it. But not today. Her room is stuffy of late; a hutch filled with empty bottles, the smell of sweat and liquor, and the trammels of bad dreams. She's sobered up enough since her Milliversary to regret the headaches and hangovers, but not enough yet to feel quite herself.

So she hides. Today, in an aisle marked 'R' filled with dusty old books from a bygone century Kate hasn't identified. She's not really looking for anything. She doesn't even seem interested in the two volumes she has stacked by her side. She's just sitting, back to the opposing shelf of books, staring at the weathered old spines.

Comments

[ikissdhimbck]

"No, I didn't mean it that way," Kate hurries to add. "Jus' that I came up here on my own. That I — I didn't have anywhere else t'be with anyone else."

She glances away again.

"We're all a combination of the two ... heart an' mind? I don't disagree, of course. That's simple enough. What I mean is ... I can either do what I know is right, or what I feel is right. The two used t'be the same, but they ain't anymore. That's why I choose, every day. One o'er the other."

They lost each other, somewhere along the line. Before the parade metaphor. Kate shakes her head, and puts on a smile — though ill-fitting it is.

"I do appreciate you sittin' with me. I didn't mean t'suggest otherwise. You barely even know me; you ain't got no reason t'stay an' let me ramble on."

[filemyclaim]

Dixie nods her head. "Because now you want to be with this fellow who you know'll be bad for you in the long run." She thinks for a minute. "It's like eating a whole box of chocolate: feels good in the beginning, then it makes you feel sick when you're done. Do you want to deal with the hangover when it's over?" Dixie leans against the chair and admits, "Hell, I can't stand a lonely face, and you just seemed so lonely sitting here.."

[ikissdhimbck]

Her body goes as stiff as stone.




"Because I wanna feel somethin' again."


She's speaking before she even has time to think. The words just tumble from some unconscious place within her, and she realizes that she's been numb all this time. Inside and out, like a living mummy. She took all of her insides out and wrapped them up tight, put them away from her so she wouldn't have to ache anymore. Because Doc didn't want her. Because he said she wasn't right. Because he broke her heart so sure it wasn't a matter of how long it'd take to put the pieces back together; there were no pieces left.

She draws herself back, refusing to entertain the sudden pervasive thought in her mind. The only time she's ever felt something, anything, since Doc left her last year ... has been with Gene.





"There won't be no hangover. He got up an' walked out. It don't matter anymore."

[filemyclaim]

"Kate - you're feeling something right now," Dixie points out. "Pain's a terrible feeling - but it means you aren't all the way dead inside."

Dixie's no Pollyanna, but she feels like she should speak the truth, no matter what it brings.

"You've got to believe there's someone else out there. Or that you're enough."

[ikissdhimbck]

Her lips curl, but she's secretive about the reason. Some memory; some thought; some unhappiness that washes through her sea blue eyes. There's no mirth or joy to it.

"Yeah."

It's all she says. And it's rather obvious she doesn't agree with Dixie a bit, but they lost each other's point a while back. She thinks, maybe, weighing Dixie down by explaining just how she feels isn't the right move. She's here, with all her hopes and advice, trying to do something good. Despite whether she understands or she doesn't, Kate's not going to spit on that.

"Like I said, it don't matter. It's nearly August, now. Things'll change with the leaves."

She puts her feet underneath her.

"I should pro'lly pick a book an' head on back t'my room."

[filemyclaim]

Dixie likely did lose her own point; hers and Kate's alike, in trying to comfort the girl. As far as she's concerned it doesn't matter - she's tearing herself up over something she can't help.

"Life changes with the leaves," she agrees. "Leaves and the wind. The key's to dig your heels in the dirt before it drags you off."

"Well, don't go shutting yourself away," she says. But she's wise enough to know when she's licked. "What'd you decide on, Kate?" it's a loaded question and Kate can - if she wishes - believe that she meant to talk about the book.

[ikissdhimbck]

Her lips twist wryly.

One thing she's good at is digging in her heels.


"Byron," she says, fixing Dixie with a knowing look. "Always did love the way he'd write 'bout lost love an' life."

She plucks the book of poems from the bookshelf in front of her, and stands up. Her movements are stiff; her expression muted. The first anniversary was bound to be the hardest. Next year, she won't be caught like this.

"Thank you for the company, Miss Dixie."