ikissdhimbck | OOM: Room #100

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OOM: Room #100 - for Doc Scurlock

[following this:]

It's been a while since Kate has spent any considerable amount of time in her own room, so it has remained rather tidy. The only real exceptions are a stack of clean laundry on her desk chair she hasn't gotten to yet, and the bedspread, which is a little disheveled from stolen naps here and there between checking on and being with Doc. On her desk is the book of poetry she had taken from his room, along with the little orange paper crane that marks her place. The poetry and favors from the wake are spread out, including several little steel green cranes, which sit awkward and deformed in some small way ('first attempts' at origami that weren't so bad as to throw away). There's also a rather extraordinary little music box, and a half-eaten box of chocolate. On the table in the corner, there are a few newspapers and posters, handmade notes about Cuero, and the like.

The real focus of attention, however, is the bathroom; complete with all its fancy little soaps, and relaxing scents, and nice, hot water. That's Kate's focus, at least, once she unlocks her door and steps inside.

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Her smile grows.

Before long, she's kissing him again, but gently this time. Lingering, sweet -- a kiss of devotion, and exchange of vows.

She starts running that brush through his hair when she pulls away, licking her lips to savor his taste.

"That makes me happy, cowboy."

She's a little embarrassed when her voice cracks. She purses her lips together, but her chin trembles.

Doc reaches up and gently places his fingers under her chin.

"You bein' happy, makes me happy, darlin'."

His eyes are a little bright, too, before he ducks his head and allows her to continue brushing his hair.

Her skin is warm, and she shudders under his tender touch. She keeps her attention focused on the task at hand, though, until she has every unruly cowlick and every little knot worked out of his hair. He looks deceptively gentlemanly, with a clean part and all.

Until a tress breaks away in a fresh cowlick.

She breathes a quiet, watery laugh, nuzzling her nose against his again, before pressing her mouth to his.

"I told you a lie, once. I told you I didn't care 'bout what happened t'you."

She drops the brush, sinking both hands back into the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Truth is? You are my family. You're the only family I got. I've always loved you, an' I've always wanted t'be with you. You're my home."

"Then I guess we're gonna be alright, so long as we got each other t'lean on."

He nuzzles close. He doesn't ever want to let her go.

"I'll never leave you 'gain, Kate."

She wraps herself up in him. Part of her -- the part that's still all twisted and writhing with warmth -- wants nothing more than to lay down, and pull him down with her.

But, there's another part of her...

'Then I guess we're gonna be alright'

She nods slowly, chest heaving as she endeavors to pull in deep, calming breaths. She pulls back a little, trying to soothe her raging heart enough to speak.

"Doc--?"

She licks her lips nervously, not quite meeting his eyes. She looks bothered by something.

"Do you... do you think it's okay t'keep secrets from one another?"

The first thing that comes to mind when she asks the question is the night in the infirmary when he finally told her about Yen and Jonathan, the way her face had shifted in shock as his lies (his secrets) had been revealed.

Doc debates the answer for a moment.

"I...I don't know. I mean...I know they can be trouble. I...kept things from you I never should have and it hurt me."

Another slow nod.

Thinking.

"It hurt me, too."

She still sounds hurt -- and frightened.

He notices the fear, and it confuses him.

"Kate...I won't ever judge you, for what you tell me. I certainly ain't gonna hold it 'gainst you. You can tell me anythin', darlin'."

"I don't want t'have any secrets from you. I want us t'be able t'tell each other everythin'."

She closes her eyes, resting her forehead against his.

"I--I know s'not... it's not how everyone feels, but I... I always thought it was like a partnership. That I--I'd find a man that I... I could share every bit of my life with."

She's beginning to feel like her ideals are outdated; but the 'modern' advices she's been receiving just don't... feel right.

"I would be honored t'be in a partnership like that...I already told y'that I wasn't gonna hide nothin' from you no more, and I ain't."

He knows the level of trust that takes, though. He's willing to give it to her, regardless.

A modicum of relief filters across her face. She feels heavy, all of a sudden.

She tilts her head toward the mattress in silent invitation, pulling a few pillows away from the headboard so she can lay flat. She slowly shifts her body off his lap, the goal to end up on her side facing him, so they don't lose the eye contact.

"A lotta things happened, while you was gone."

He joins her, stretching out on the mattress beside her and keeping his eyes on hers.

(He's not judging.)

Doc reaches for her hand, nodding slightly.

"I was gone an awful long time."

She curls her fingers around his, watching his eyes. They always amaze her, the way the irises seem to bloom with color, just like late summer thunderstorms rolling across the horizon.

She watches him in silence for a long time, her heart thudding away in her chest. She didn't lie -- a lot of things did happen. So, she thinks, she should start with something easier to say than what's weighing heaviest on her mind.

"I went home, with Ben."

She sucks on her bottom lip nervously, shaking her head a little.

"I didn't think you were comin' back. I needed someone I could trust, t'give me a hand with things out there."

She's never gone anywhere alone with a man before, except for with Doc. The rules of her society strictly forbid it, in well-to-do circles. It's enough to get folk talking; and Kate knows now how Doc feels about Ben -- or, at least, how he felt at four-and-thirty, fresh back to the bar after a ten year absence.

"Did ya'll run into any trouble?"

He still hasn't seen Ben since he's been back, but the outlaw can be elusive at times.

"A little."

She runs her thumb over the side of his hand.

"But that was kinda the point."

She briefly recaps what happened in Texas, from their first night spent in the desert, to their time casing Cuero, right down to their rather hurried departure from Morales. She doesn't go into extreme detail, but she doesn't want to leave anything important out.

Such as their aliases, as man and wife, while they were out.

"It was a useful trip, then," he replies.

The idea of Ben and Kate acting like man and wife is...a bit strange, of course. Appearances must be kept up, especially in an outlaw's line of work. Even Doc knows that.

He rubs his thumb across her knuckles.

Next time you won't need another man to stand in for your husband. I'll be there.

He nods.

"As long as there wasn't too much trouble."

It was a bit strange. It was fun as hell, pulling a fast one on all those people; but even for someone as far removed from polite society as she has become, she can't shake her upbringing (not when she's grown so used to picturing her daddy's disapproving glare).

'As long as there wasn't too much trouble.'

She squeezes his hand gently, and slowly shakes her head.

"I know how much y'wanted t'go, and I wouldn't--I wouldn't've gone alone with him if I'd thought you was comin' back. But I was fresh home from Colorada, all those hopes dashed, knowin' Trout an' the law'd be waitin' for me when I went back, and I needed him. I didn't wanna make the same kinda mistakes I did with Ramon. Ben's the only one I trust, from our kinda world, who could teach me what t'do."

She turned down several other offers, in fact, because of that one simple truth. It doesn't make her look any less bothered by her guilt, though.

"I wouldn't've gone, if I'd thought... Nothin' happened, of course, but you deserved t'hear it said by me. I wouldn't've ever wanted you t'find out from someone else that I'd gone off alone with another man."

For the first time since settling down across from him, she looks away, betraying the ache still left in her heart from similar such experiences in their past.

"I know nothin' happened out there with Wade, because...I know you. You wouldn't...do that."

Her words and her sudden glance away confuse him at first, until he gathers together what she's not saying and the pieces click into place.

"Nothin'...happened, Kate."

His words make her tense, though she tries not to let it show.

(Not realizing that her hand is squeezing his just a little bit tighter.)

She nods as if that's the plainest truth in the world, trying to underplay the situation. But she's still not looking at him, and her voice has suddenly gone on vacation.

One would think having this conversation once would make it easier to talk about. But this is a different Doc, and theirs is a different dynamic.

He can feel the way her hand tightens around his, and it gives him pause.

His eyes focus on her jaw, as he speaks.

"I...I know how it must'a looked. Us goin' out there together...and m'sorry for that. It wasn't proper and I should've...I should've thought 'bout it, 'bout what people would think. About what you might think...not sayin' you thought that I...but I realize now what I did wrong."

She shakes her head slowly, which only looks like she's snuggling down more for comfort. Maybe she is.

"I-I know things are... different, here. The future's different. Men and women... Kate started explainin' it to me, but it-it wasn't the right time or place. She..."

She sighs.

"I know how much she means t'you. An' you t'her."

"Things are different, but that don't...that don't mean that I shouldn't take your feelin's on the matter into account. We are close, real good friends, but it ain't...it ain't nothin' more than that."

He would never do that to Bill.

And he would never imagine doing that to Kate.

"You...you're the only girl I want, darlin'. Lord knows how some folk walk 'round downstairs wearin' nothin' but britches, but my eyes don't even see 'em. I just got my mind set on bein' with you."

"No, it don't mean you shouldn't take my feelin's into account."

She raises her eyes back up to his face as she 'agrees'. She's serious, but there's a very small smile on her lips.

"You're from my world, Doc. Maybe a lil' different, here'r there, but you know what it's like. I'm not like these women here, more'n jus' for the fact that I dress a bit more finely."

She breathes a quiet laugh, shaking her head again. Her expression slowly shifts, and grows more serious. More sad.

"But it's... I mean, I knew when... I knew what sorta man you were from the get-go. You're an outlaw, an' I shouldn't... shouldn't expect you t'be like the suitors who used t'come 'round. You've been... places. ...Places that'd make me blush just t'talk 'bout them."

Forget the fact that she's already a little red.

"I know it ain't nothin' much t'you."

"I ain't...I ain't...I ain't as respectable as most men that'd come 'round t'call on a fine young woman. I know that."

I'm sorry for that.

Doc shakes his head.

"But that don't mean it ain't...it ain't somethin'."

At the time, it didn't bother him. He was an outlaw and he had the means at his disposal to get what he wanted, so he got it. He's changed since then, but experiences stick with a man.

"Even if I am an outlaw."

"It's not--"

She looks up at him, disengaging their hands so she can reach out and stroke his cheek.

"I ain't sayin' I wish you was different. I love you; I fell in love with you. I may not have known what I was gettin' into at the time, but I do now, and I wouldn't change you."

She bites her bottom lip.

"It just... It's unsettlin', at times. Especially when y'leave, and don't say nothin'. I know I don't look like much no more, an' I know I've done things myself that'd make my momma cry and let my daddy down, but... but it's still strange, bein' alone in a room with a man that ain't you. And it's still... hard, sometimes, when you go off with your lady friends like it's no big thing."

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